Jeff on the Replicator on Star Trek: Next Generation

Me:  Hey Jeff... remember that thing on Star Trek: Next Generation that makes food out of nothing? 

Jeff: YES!

Me: What's it called, again? The teleporter?

Jeff: No! It's called...the Replicator.  Essentially what it does is de-materialize all the waste products into base molecules which are then used by replicators to generate food, maintenance materials, tools, and so forth.

It all comes down to matter and energy- they are the same thing, and one can be turned into another at any time, using that technology. Which is currently fictional.

Not to be confused with the replicator on Stargate SG-1. That's an alien race.  An alien race of robot species. They're like cylons on Battlestar Galactica.

Me: OK...But do you believe it [Replicator, matter and energy interchangeability]?

Jeff: I think we can imagine it, we can create it.

Jeff's Achille's Heel

Jeff recently tore his Achille's Heel and has been limping around the office.  I didn't notice until he mentioned it, today, as he was popping some Tylenol and I asked why he was doing drugs.

First, he tried to play it off as a heart problem.  Jeff had heart surgery a couple of years ago and always shows it off. 

"Well, Elim, I'll be taking drugs the rest of my life... because of THIS."  Jeff proceeds to pull up his sweater so I can see the scar on his chest... something I don't want to see, EVER.

He goes on, "Actually, it's because of my Achille's Tendon.  You know the story of Achille's Heel, right?  Well, Achille's mother dipped him in the river Styx, which rendered him invincible, except she held him in the river by his ankle, so that his vulnerable spot was his foot.  And that's exactly what killed him- he was shot in the ankle with a poisoned arrow.  The poison got inside of him, and he died.  You know that myth, right?"

Me:  "Yeah, sure I do.  Why was his mother so stupid?  Why didn't she drop  his whole body in the river?  Why didn't she dip him in, and then just wash some water over his foot?  Why...."

Jeff: "Why can't you just appreciate the myth?"

Point taken.

Latest Kew-ism- On Holding Grudges

Today, Jeff shared a heart-warming quote with me:

"Why carry a grudge with you, when you can pick it up later?"

While I find this quote negative and disheartening, I kind of like it.  It kind of gives you an excuse in your own mind to relieve yourself of a burning thought for awhile, but then bring the topic back up when your boyfriend or husband pisses you off, sometime in the future, who knows when?

(just kidding, honey!)

Jeff's Idea of an April Fool's Joke

Following our weekly status meeting at the agency, Jeff decides to pull an April Fool's joke on the team.  But what Jeff doesn't realize that a lot of his jokes are really geeky-techie and no one gets them.

So anyway, the meeting comes to an end, and Allan, Account Director, asks if there's any other business.  Jeff pipes up and says, "Yes, everyone gets their new iPad next Wednesday, so be on the lookout."

I think only 2 or 3 of us know what that is.  Me, being a semi-nerd exclaimed, "REALLY? We really get one??!"  Meanwhile, everyone else stares at Jeff; blank expressions on their faces.

"April Fool's," Jeff says sheepishly. 

"Jeff, you really have to explain your jokes to us," Bruce, Creative Director says.

OW! I've got a canker sore that really hurts! - Me (Elim)

Jeff- ah, salt water

me- huh?

Jeff- Take half a spoon of salt, dump it in a glass, swirl it around and swish it in your mouth.  It'll heal it.

me- ... that's all ya got?

Jeff- [blank stare]

me- I opened up the blog and everything!

Jeff- yep, that's all I've got.  Stop eating greasy food.

Did you know my Eustachian tube is Blocked? - Jeff Kew

Jeff:    That's it, there's nothing I can do.  It's just blocked.

Jeff:    If it's in pain, you can heat it up with a heating pad and the pain will go away.  But my ear's still blocked. 

Me:    Why does the heat make the pain go away?

Jeff:     It causes the muscles to relax, lets the mucus flush out.  Maybe that's what I need. Oh yeah! Thanks, that's what I need; a heating pad!  You've solved it!

Jeff on Wikipedia as a Self-Healing Encyclopedia

I  have no idea how we got on this topic, but I'm sure Jeff will remind me once he reads this post....

"Wikipedia is referred to as a self-correcting encyclopedia because you are corrected by your peers. If you disagree with your peers, you can correct or extend a post. If someone thinks you are blatantly wrong, or vandalizes a post, you can remove what is wrong. Wikipedia is essentially self-healing. "

Why I started this Blog- and Who is Jeff Kew?

Hi All,

My name is Elim and I work with a guy named Jeff Kew.  We sit in the same area, so I am exposed to his infinite wisdom (aka "wisdom") each and every day.  I thought it might be fun and interesting to start writing down his bits of knowledge because they are so random and SOMEBODY out there might find them useful. 

Some days, I sit at my desk with facts just pouring out of my ears.  Other days, I am lucky enough to have someone else in our area to take in all this informational education.

Anyway, without being too harsh on the guy, Jeff is a genuine, gold-hearted, hard-core nerd.  Sometimes he can be a prick (self-professed), but most times, he is helpful, kind, resourceful and understanding.

Let the knowledge begin!

Signing off,
Elim